So Frustrated

Twelve hours editing a mini session and one family session. It could be blamed on my ridiculously slow laptop. Or perhaps my horrendous decision making. Not even half the way through and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't seen my son all day long an it makes me want to cry. I try and try and try again investing in actions and backdrops and props, book, lenses, equipment etcetera etcetera etcetera and still it is not enough. Again I'm struggling with pricing. I agonize over competing with the dirt cheap prices of other military wives. How do they do it? Have I simply burned myself out? Do they know a secret to editing or do they simply do not claim their earnings and hence are able to give away digital negatives for a really low price. My body swells with despair, wanting to compete with their prices but then feeling that it's not worth it, then feeling so inadequate to charge what I really want to earn. Do far I've made nothing. Photography is a mere glorified hobby for me. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of having to work at a fast food restaurant for minimum wage and not seeing my son for long hours and having to pay for a sitter. But is this any better? I sit at home staring dazed into a computer for hours and hours completely ignoring my son and leaving him to fend for himself until its a particular meal time. Gosh I'm pathetic. Wish I could just kick myself in the bottom and slap some sense into myself. I don't enjoy wallowing in self pity but I'm losing my grip here. I might just take hold of a pillow and scream onto it. I'm so upset with myself and the situation I put myself in. How did my mom do it with four kids all on her own depending on her and somehow managing to give is EVERYTHING! While I cannot get a single customer. It makes me question my abilities and then spiral into a pensive depressed state.
I keep trying to remind myself to surround myself with Positive energy and let God do his miracle with me but just like the little clay cup molds, the oven is hot and painful and it seems like it will never end. Please God hear me as I pray for you to do with me as you wish. If it is your will for me to be a successful Portrait Artist then let it be. If there are other words written in my book of life then so be it. It's only through you God that all things are possible and I know with human certainly that your Love and your Glory will shine my way.