So Frustrated

Twelve hours editing a mini session and one family session. It could be blamed on my ridiculously slow laptop. Or perhaps my horrendous decision making. Not even half the way through and I am exhausted. I feel like I haven't seen my son all day long an it makes me want to cry. I try and try and try again investing in actions and backdrops and props, book, lenses, equipment etcetera etcetera etcetera and still it is not enough. Again I'm struggling with pricing. I agonize over competing with the dirt cheap prices of other military wives. How do they do it? Have I simply burned myself out? Do they know a secret to editing or do they simply do not claim their earnings and hence are able to give away digital negatives for a really low price. My body swells with despair, wanting to compete with their prices but then feeling that it's not worth it, then feeling so inadequate to charge what I really want to earn. Do far I've made nothing. Photography is a mere glorified hobby for me. The only thing that keeps me going is the thought of having to work at a fast food restaurant for minimum wage and not seeing my son for long hours and having to pay for a sitter. But is this any better? I sit at home staring dazed into a computer for hours and hours completely ignoring my son and leaving him to fend for himself until its a particular meal time. Gosh I'm pathetic. Wish I could just kick myself in the bottom and slap some sense into myself. I don't enjoy wallowing in self pity but I'm losing my grip here. I might just take hold of a pillow and scream onto it. I'm so upset with myself and the situation I put myself in. How did my mom do it with four kids all on her own depending on her and somehow managing to give is EVERYTHING! While I cannot get a single customer. It makes me question my abilities and then spiral into a pensive depressed state.
I keep trying to remind myself to surround myself with Positive energy and let God do his miracle with me but just like the little clay cup molds, the oven is hot and painful and it seems like it will never end. Please God hear me as I pray for you to do with me as you wish. If it is your will for me to be a successful Portrait Artist then let it be. If there are other words written in my book of life then so be it. It's only through you God that all things are possible and I know with human certainly that your Love and your Glory will shine my way.

Miss Natalie's 1st Christmas

Finals Week!

The week has come at last, its final exams! I feel so crazy, filled with anxiety and ready to rest but at the same time with fear for what is to come. In exactly one week I will be packing my bags to return back to Virginia with my beloved husband. Poor guy, I make him suffer so much, just like a little girl somethings I do not know how to express what I want. After everything, I still feel like coming to California  was time well spent. At the very least my self-esteem and confidence in myself has gone up significantly. It is now up to me to market myself and most importantly continue to learn the art of photography.


Ya llego la semana, it's finals week! Me siento como loca llena de ansias por descansar pero a la mismo tiempo con miedo de lo que vendra. En exactamente una semana estare empacando mis maletas para irme para atras a Virginia con mis querido esposito. Pobrecito, lo hago sufrir tanto, soy tal como una nina que aveces no sabe lo que quiere. Despues de todo siento que si valio la pena mucho lo que hice aqui en California. Por lo menos mi autoestima y la confianza en mi misma a subido bastante. Ahora es solo de saber como atener nuevos clientes y seguir aprendiendo el arte de la fotografia. 

Jesse's Take on Caspian

My Beautiful Sonshine! <3

So I am getting ready to order Holiday cards for the 2011 season. I'm so excited because I will be using my own photos of Caspian, this is my favorite one from his mini session where he is actually LOOKING AT ME! They were taken at the Orange County Heritage Museum across the street from where I used to live on Harvard St, Santa Ana. I was there as a child and when scouting out possible locations for photo sessions I found this one was perfect! Enjoy! 

Uhkel Jesse called this one Killer, "he is wearing a bow and arrow and has a gold grill teeth and blood coming out of his mouth" I thought it was cute lol